If you have any questions about divorce in Connecticut, please contact Joseph Maya at 203-221-3100 or by email at JMaya@mayalaw.com.
Counseling
By the time many prospective clients contact a law firm regarding a divorce, a surprisingly few number will have sought the assistance of a therapist or marriage counselor. Nevertheless, we are often surprised by those individuals who never tried counseling in any form, and nonetheless seek divorce as the only available option. For many of these individuals, the act of filing a divorce action (or even simply consulting with a lawyer) is an end in and of itself, bringing the hope that by “showing him I am serious” or “finally standing up to her” the marriage will somehow improve when a State Marshal shows up on a doorstep with divorce papers.
Is there any going back? While we have not produced hard data on our clients’ confidential cases, experience tells us that a significant percentage of divorces between parties who have never engaged in marriage counseling results in a withdrawal of the action, a reconciliation of the parties, and a costly and public start-and-stop routine which often leaves indelible scars of mistrust and memory. Of those who withdraw a divorce action, many clients will return, years later, for a second run at litigation.
It is for this reason that we advise our clients to at least explore the option of marital counseling and/or individual therapy, where practical and feasible, to address not just the symptoms of the discord but the source itself. An exploratory journey along this path may save a marriage, may save money, may protect a childhood, or, at the very least, may help narrow the issues causing conflict to more cleanly and efficiently pursue the dissolution action with a lawyer or mediator.
If you have any questions about divorce counseling in Connecticut, please contact Joseph Maya at 203-221-3100 or by email at JMaya@mayalaw.com.
Mediation/Co-Mediation
If you are reading this, chances are you have either heard of mediation, have explored the process, or perhaps have even been through a failed mediation effort. Mediation is generally an informal procedure, wherein an attorney, social worker, psychologist, or other trained neutral party works with both spouses to identify issues, bridge gaps and forge compromise. The success rate of mediation is directly proportional to the level of commitment of the parties. Conversely, a party to an impending divorce who refuses to compromise and has greater interest in making the other spouse “pay a price” for the breakdown of the marriage will likely see minimal results in mediation. Of course, the skills, experience, and resources available to the neutral also impact the success rate of a mediation.
A mediator, even when he or she is an attorney, does not represent either side in a divorce action. However, he or she is not a judge either. It is not the mediator’s role to “decide” the outcome of the case or determine what is “fair” for divorcing spouses. Rather, the mediator facilitates the legal process, helping the parties craft their own agreement which will take into account both financial nuances and, when children are involved, the peculiarities of a living, breathing parenting plan, so that the end result is the synergy of the parties’ respective best interests.
A failed mediation, however, sometimes results in further entrenched positions and discord. An attorney mediator, despite his familiarity with the parties and the work (and cost) that went into his engagement, may not ethically represent either party after a failed mediation, and may not be called as a witness in any subsequent proceeding. Simply put, the parties must start over if a mediation falls through; there is no “picking up where you left off” unless both parties are agreeable to it.
Co-mediation is a mechanism whereby divorcing spouses can benefit from not one, but two neutral professionals. While mediation can often be effective, in many instances one party or the other might feel as though he or she has “won” or “lost” the mediation, believing that one of the spouses has gained some perceived empathy from the mediator because of some similarity or identification with that person. In those cases, the parties’ mutual selection of a mediator may have served to alienate one party or the other, with feelings that he or she has selected the “wrong” person to resolve the dispute. Co-mediation addresses this potential pitfall by pairing two professionals as independently functioning neutrals to lend greater balance, identification, and equity to the mediation process. Some co-mediation models merge the experience of a family law attorney with the expertise of a licensed, clinical psychologist. From the legal angle, co-mediation can help the parties identify and narrow the issues in dispute, with guidance through the court system and assistance with the preparation of legally enforceable agreements on property division, child support, alimony, custody, and post-secondary educational support, to name a few. From the therapeutic and clinical perspective, the model simultaneously offers the skill set of a clinical psychologist with specialization in stressors within the home, at-risk children and associated custody issues, substance abuse and anger management issues, and a keen acumen towards resolving conflict. Given the willing participants and an industrious team approach, when employed properly, co-mediation can often be successful at a fraction of the cost of litigation.
If you have any questions about divorce mediation or co-mediation in Connecticut, please contact Joseph Maya at 203-221-3100 or by email at JMaya@mayalaw.com.
Collaborative Divorce
Collaborative divorce combines resolving the issues while addressing the needs of the parties with the protection of independent legal representation that litigation affords. Each party has their own advocate to assist in the negotiation of all relevant issues from parenting plans to support to the division of assets and debts. The process is similar to mediation whereby the parties and counsel have a series of meetings to discuss the issues. Additional professionals may be included in these meetings, as needed, to help the parties reach a resolution. For example, if the parties have concerns regarding how a particular parenting plan may affect the children, the children’s therapist may be included to provide guidance. Similarly, financial advisors may be included in order to help the parties determine the best way to divide assets with the fewest tax implications. Often times, if a case proceeds to litigation and trial, the Court will enter orders that are easiest to effectuate—namely selling assets and dividing the proceeds. With collaborative divorce, parties and counsel can explore creative and nontraditional solutions to reach a resolution.
Once an agreement is reached, the parties contact the Court to schedule an uncontested hearing. In the event the parties are unsuccessful in reaching an agreement, then the attorneys are precluded from representing their respective clients for litigation. Before engaging in collaborative divorce, it is important for a client to have an open and honest conversation with his or her attorney to determine if he or she is able to negotiate and compromise while setting any negative feelings about their spouse aside. If the relationship is too contentious or either party is steadfast on a particular position (for example, that they will never agree to any alimony) then collaborative divorce is not right for their particular case.
If you have any questions about collaborative divorce in Connecticut, please contact Joseph Maya at 203-221-3100 or by email at JMaya@mayalaw.com.
Litigation
Suppose counseling has been ineffective or non-participatory. Mediation has either failed or is not a viable option since one or both parties refuse to attend or because emotional impediments loom too large. Divorce is inevitable and the only remaining route to it is litigation.
Litigation refers to the filing of a lawsuit (a divorce proceeding is technically a lawsuit between spouses). Litigation begins when someone is served, initial pleadings are filed (more on this below), the filing fee is paid. The legal process begins to take shape with its own deadlines, rules, procedures, and local practices. Every litigant in state court, whether a lawyer or self-represented party, is presumed to know the rules of the court, which are set forth in the Connecticut Practice Book. The friendly-sounding, simple name is misleading. At multiple volumes, hundreds of pages (or countless clicks down the screen, since the Practice Book is also published and updated online), it is a tall order for most litigants in a divorce action to familiarize themselves with civil practice, filing of pleadings and motions, the “discovery” mechanisms available to each party, and the role of the judge in a dissolution action.
If you have any questions about divorce in Connecticut, please contact Joseph Maya at 203-221-3100 or by email at JMaya@mayalaw.com.